Warriors: Into The Wild Parody!
by AngelOfDarkness352
Summary: This is a parody for the first warriors book. It will accuatlly turn out to be 30 chapters long since its a parody for each and every chapter! Enjoy! R&R!
1. Prolouge

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

Authors Note= Ok so I will actually write a parody of Into the Wild chapter by chapter, so when I'm done there might be like, 30 chapters. Just to tell you. Disclaimer= I own warriors, I own Warriors! (Reality sinks in) I don't own Warriors. No copy write intended.

Prologue-

" Oakheart, how dare you hunt on out territory!?" Redtail shouted at Oakheart.

" Because Bluestar is my lover and I'm jealous and too sexy for my shirt!" Oakheart yowled back.

Every cat stares at him.

" I mean, we came to steal back sunning rocks!"

Riverclan cats yowl their agreements.

" Well, you can have Bluestar, but Sunning rocks is Thunderclan's! Thunderclan attack!"

" Riverclan attack!" Realized that they are already fighting, he gives up and watches intently.

" Owwwwwww, LOOK AT MY BLOOD!!!!!!!" Mousefur screamed. She then looks more closely at the ground.

" Oh never mind, that's not my blood."

But then a Riverclan she-cat jumped on her and she disappeared under her body. Tigerclaw pounces on the she-cat, while Mousefur stands up and dusts herself off.

" Mousefur, you broke a nail! Go back to the medicine den now, or you could have a blood clot!" Tigerclaw yelled at her.

She turns around and bounds away, screaming bloody murder.

Tigerclaw continues fighting until Redtail tells him " Tigerclaw, there are too many Riverclan cats, we must retreat!"

" No, Thunderclan will never be beaten, except in the later books maybe."

" Thunderclan honors your nose Tigerclaw, but can't afford to lose any more money. Bluestar doesn't want all her money to be gone!"

Tigerclaw looks at him and nods, but when Redtail turns around Tigerclaw makes funny faces at him.

" Thunderclan, RETREAT! Oh and Tigerclaw I can see you through that mirror over there *Points to random mirror.

" Darn"

Thunderclan camp

Bluestar stared up at the sky. Spottedleaf emerged from the medicine den.

" Bluestar, Mousefur's nail is almost all gone. I gave her poppy seeds for the shock, so see is stable."

" STABLE. That's where I gave birth to my kits with Oakheart, and then pretended that they were stolen when they really grew up with Riverclan. AHHHHHHH"

Runs out of camp. Spottedleaf looks confusedly towards the entrance, shaking her head slowly.

Bluestar runs back into camp.

" Sorry, let's just forget this whole thing. Now you tell me about a new prophecy right?"

" Oh yes. We just have to wait until Starclan give it to us."

~Waits for an hour~

" Any day now." Spottedleaf says.

~In Starclan~

Pinestar- My God, Redtail, for a deputy I thought you were smarter than this.

Redtail- I just now joined Starclan, what do you expect. Now how do I send a prophecy again?

Pinestar- Grab a star, whisper the prophecy in it, then toss it lightly towards the cat you want to receive it. If you toss it hard, the prophecy will get screwed up.

Redtail- Ok, got it.

Whispers- Fire alone will save our clan.

Tosses it a little bit too hard at Spottedleaf.

~Thunderclan Camp~

Something comes flying out of the sky and hits Spottedleaf in the eye.

" Ouch! Oh, what is this, a star? It's the prophecy! Here's what it says:"

Bluestar leans in closer.

" Hey, don't get that close, it's awkward. Anyway it says: A mysterious cat will become a threat?"

Rusty- DARN!!

~ Starclan~

Pinestar- You did it wrong! Her just let me do it.

Whispers- Fire alone will save our clan.

Tosses very lightly to Spottedleaf

~ Thunderclan Camp~

" Oh look, there's another one coming! Let's see what it says!" Spottedleaf reads it to herself.

" Well, do be a wild hog, let me hear it too!" Bluestar whines.

" It says, Fire alone will save our clan"

Rusty- YES!!!!

Author's note- Please tell me what you think of it. Should I continue?


	2. Chapter 1

Author's note- Ok, so that was the Prologue here is the first chapter. ( Oh and you might be able to follow along with the first book).

Chapter 1-

It was very light. Rusty could sense something was near. Was it food? Was it his mother? Rusty shivered at the thought. Anyway, back to the story. He stared at the unfamiliar grounds that surrounded him. His stomach growled.

" Hey, man, I need some food in here! I'm getting empty!" His stomach told him.

" Shut up! I'm trying to hunt but if you don't put a lid on it I won't be able to catch anything!" Rusty suddenly realized that he was dreaming, since he was talking to his stomach. Weird.

Suddenly a flash of gray raced past him. Rusty stood still, listening. It was hiding from him. He could hear the heartbeat of the mouse. He lowered his body into position, about to attack. Suddenly he leapt at the mouse and began tickling it. The mouse squealed with delight and surprise. But then Rusty stood above it, glaring down at it and he was just about to go down for the kill when his stomach suddenly said " That's a nice looking mouse you got there Rusty. Can't wait!"

The mouse all of a sudden got away and Rusty then switched his glare to his stomach. He then heard random rattling and opened his eyes.

His owner was standing above him, pouring sawdust into his bowl. Oh, he thought, I can look straight up her skirt from here. " Rusty!" His owner yelled. Oops, he had said that out loud.

He ate a few mouthfuls then pushed his way outside. He tried to jump the fencepost but he was too fat. He swatted at it, but it stayed in place. Frustrated, he decided to just jump to the first post. He then made his way to the final post.

His BFF Smudge appeared behind him.

" Ahh, so you have the same problem too?"

" Uhh, no! Smudge, something is telling me to go in the forest. Like an instinct or something."

" Oh, I get that all the time. I think its because we are males though."

" WHAT!?"

" Rusty, what's wrong?"

" Smudge, I didn't know you were a boy! I always thought you were a girl! That' why im always flirting with you!"

" Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I like it when you flirt with me."

" Oh. Gross. I feel so unattracted to you right now."

" I feel unattracted to me too.'

" But anyway, I thin I should go explore some of the forest."

" But, Rusty, do you know how dangerous it is out there! It's like a whole other world, with the fighting, and the blood, and the wars." Begins shaking.

" Calm down Smudge. Anyways, who knows? There could be talking rabbits! I'm going!"

~In the forest~

Bluestar- Stalking

" What, whose there?" Rusty replied. " Oh lookie, it's a cockatoo!"

Lionheart- Man this cat is dumb!

" Whose there? Speak up!"

Lionheart and Bluestar- * Snickers

All of a sudden Graypaw jumps on top of Rusty.

" OMG!!! I feel so validated!" Rusty cries.

" Sorry, that did feel kinda gay. My name is Graypaw, and I'm training to be a Thunderclan dollar!"

Bluestar- *cough warrior *cough

Graypaw- Warrior

I want to be a Thunderclan warrior too!" Rusty pouts.

Bluestar- Fine, you may train and be an apprentice. But if you don't work out then you will be kicked out!!!

" I'll go to the gym today!" Rusty declares.

Bluestar- No, you diphole, if you don't fit in with us, then you're out.

" Well, then what's the difference between working out and fitting in if-"

Lionheart- just shut up and join.

" Well, look whose talking!"

Lionheart- actually, you are.

" Right"

Bluestar- and what were you doing hunting on MY territory?

" I was only catching a mouse! Isn't there enough to go around?

Bluestar- NO! And if you weren't a stupid useless kittypet, you would know that!

Lionheart- Sorry, hormones.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Bluestar- "Well?"

Rusty- "What? God your so annoying."

Bluestar- " Lionheart?'

Lionheart- Yes?

Bluestar- He's perfect.

Rusty- Yay! So does that mean I can join ConstipatedClan?

Graypaw- Whispers* Thunderclan.

Rusty- Thunderclan.

Lionheart- Well, we could not guarantee you would work out. We are only offering your stud services, I mean, uh, err- part time training.

Rusty- I have no idea what you just said but I'll join!

Bluestar- Thank you! May Starclan be with you. Meanwhile she thinks: This is working out perfectly! Once he joins he can overrule all the cats in the forest! It's brilliant, brilliant!

Rusty- Cool!

Bluestar- Did you hear that?

Rusty- Well, yes. But I can read minds.

Graypaw looks around nervously. Oh no, he thought, he knows my secret! How will all the other cats react when they know I'm a virgin? I must get out of here! Spins around and races towards camp.

They stare after him.

Rusty- So did yall know that Graypaw was a virgin?

Lionheart- I was actually quite aware of that.

Bluestar- Yeah I heard.

~ Twoleg Garden~

Rusty- I'm really gonna miss you guys. But I think this is the place for me.

Smudge- It's ok Rusty, we understand. But now, I have an important announcement to make.

Cats watch as he tries to jump onto the post but he can't, he is too fat.

Rusty- Just take one post at a time.

Smudge- Right.

~ One hour later~

Smudge- Got it! Now for my important announcement. Yesterday Rusty pointed something out that I never would have guesses. I, Smudge, am a boy.

Cats- GASP!!!

Rusty- Ok, guys, I have to go to the forest now. Thinks: Oh yeah I'm a stud!

Smudge- A what?

Rusty- Did I just say that out loud?

Cats- yes

Rusty- Darn. Bye

AN- Sorry this was a short chapter but oh well. Read on.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

~ In the forest~

Rusty walks towards the place they were yesterday.

Rusty- I'm officially going to call this forest, Forest.

Forest- It's perfect.

Rusty- Thank you. Hey wait, Forest you can't talk!

Two giggling warriors step out of a pile of brambles. One of them was Lionheart and the other was a white male cat. Oh another hot male cat, me likey, Rusty thinks.

Lionheart- Haha, you were talking to the forest. Now this is Whitestorm. RESPECT HIM.

Rusty- Right. I knew it was you guys, I don't believe the forest can talk!

Whitestorm- Ok great. Now follow us as we go to our camp.

Rusty- ok.

The two warriors race away leaving Rusty in the dirt.

Rusty- I really do believe in you Forest.

Forest- I really do believe in you Rusty. Now go there and be the best warrior you can be.

Rusty- Thank you Forest. * Eyes get all teary

Forest- Don't thank me, thank Starclan.

Rusty- ok that sentence just ruined the moment. Burn in hell.

Forest- Happens every time.

Rusty races after the warriors. He finally catches up to them.

Lionheart- Rusty, how did you follow us?

Rusty- Mostly scent. But Whitestorm was pooping the whole way so I also followed his shit trail.

Whitestorm- Right.

~Thunderclan camp~

Rusty- wow its nice in here. No tile, no carpet. Cozy.

Lionheart- Err, yeah.

Bluestar- Good, you made it here safe.

Bluestar jumps onto highrock.

Bluestar- I would like to appoint a new apprentice.

Longtail- Look at his collar! He's a kittypet! He won't ever make a warrior!

Rusty glares.

Bluestar- Do you dare back down from a challenge?

Rusty- Wait, what? What challenge?

Bluestar- Just attack him.

Rusty- Ok.

Graypaw- Ew I just sloppered.

Thunderclan- EWWWWWW

Anyway back to the story.

Rusty pounces on Longtail and they get into a catfight.

Sandpaw- I vote on Longtail!

Longtail snaps off Rusty's collar.

Bluestar- Oh no!

Sandpaw- Oh no!

Graypaw- Oh no!

Kool-Aid man bursts through the camp.

"OH YEAH!"

Cats stare at him.

Dappletail- I hope you know that you have to clean up that mess!

Kool-Aid- Yeah, sorry. * Starts cleaning up.

Bluestar- Anyway, as a tribute to his pelt, his name shall be Firepaw!

Thunderclan- Firepaw! Firepaw! Firepaw!

Kool-Aid- Firepaw! Firepaw! Firepaw!

Bluestar- Just get out of here.

Kool-Aid- Right.

Firepaw stands into the sunlight, his pelt flashing beauty.

Bluestar- Oh no! Firepaw, your pelt is on fire! Oh no!

Graypaw- Opps, slobbered again.

Firepaw- Oh No!!!!!

Dappletail- Oh No!

Kool- Aid man.

" OH YEAH"

Dappletail- You know what, let ME take care of him.

All of a sudden Ravenpaw runs into camp.

Ravenpaw- Redtail- Is – Dead!!!

~In Starclan~

Redtail- No really, dipstick?


	5. Chapter 4

A/N- Sorry I haven't updated in a while I'm not gonna make up an excuse the truth is I almost totally forgot about this story! But I didn't so enjoy this chapter I'm either going to add another chapter or make this one longer Enjoy!!!!

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Applause exploded throughout the camp. Wait, what? Redtail was DEAD! Shouldn't they be like, mourning, or something? Oh that's right, this is a parody. It's supposed to be silly and have no point. Then that is what I shall do! Wait, shit, I can't. I have to follow the story. DAMN!!!

Oh well, please continue….

Ravenpaw- No, I said he was DEAD!

Cats- So?

Ravenpaw- You know, as in… poof?

Cats- Huh?

Ravenpaw- Here's an example…kind of like Bluestar's love life. Ring a bell?

Cats- Nope.

Dustpaw- Speaking of that, how about we go to Taco Bell, I'm in the mood for, you know, pass' in some g-a-s *He says seductively to Sandpaw *

Lionheart- Or Taco Cabana.

Sandpaw- Knock it off, Dustpaw. You are just a horny little apprentice who jacks off in the middle of the night. Trust me, Tigerstar, I mean, Tigerclaw, stalks you.

Dustpaw- I kind of figured 'cuz one time I was like, almost about to….

Bluestar- Dustpaw, f*** off. Listen to what Ravenpaw has to say, though Starclan only knows if he's lying….

Ravenpaw- Well, here's what happened… (Launches into story of Sunningrocks, read or remember)

Bluestar- Well, he was a great deputy. What a pity.

Ravenpaw- I know and- *all of a sudden has a muscle spasm *-

Bluestar- Oh shit, SPOTTEDLEAF!!!!

Spottedleaf hurries out of den. Followed by Lionheart.

Spottedleaf- Oh come on Bluestar! I finally get laid the first time this month and you just HAD to interrupt me when-

Bluestar- Shut up and take care of the damn cat.

Lionheart- Sorry Bluestar.

Bluestar- Whatever just get the c** stain off your pelt. (A/N- sorry for the inappropriate thing…)

Suddenly Tigerstar, I mean, uh, Tigerclaw bursts into camp.

Tigerstar- Oh sweet lordy wit da cornbread! It was terrible! So much blood! So many males! It was frightening and lovely at the same time!

Bluestar- Who cares? Where the hell is the body?

Tigerclaw- Umm, well, I, I, uh- Let's just say its safe.

Bluestar- I don't have time to put up with this BS, tell us where the damn body is.

Tigerclaw- Okay, well, the kits should probably LEAVE before I tell.

Bluestar- Spit it out!

(This part is a little inappropriate, just warning. If you don't want to read the inappropriate part, then just skip down to where the 0000;s are, okay?)

Spottedleaf- I can't! Its stuck in my mouth!

*Has Lionheart's d *** in her mouth.

Bluestar- Holy shit Spottedleaf! You didn't have to do that right here, right now!

Lionheart- Sorry, I have uncontrollable urges.

Spottedleaf- I can't! It's stuck! Besides, you're just jealous that I have a cat to love on!

GASP!

Random kit- Oh no she didn't!

Graypaw- What amazes me is the fact that she can still talk with his d*** in her mouth.

Dustpaw- It's called a miracle.

Bluestar- I am SO not jealous! Besides, I-

Lionheart- Ladies! Stop arguing! Now even though this feels good it's got to be uncomfie for you. And how exactly is my d*** _stuck_ in your mouth? Is that even possible?

Random Starclan cat (Dresses in a scientific lab coat) floats down from Starclan.

Starclan Cat- I have all your answers, young ones. First, yes it is scientifically possible. Clearly because Spottedleaf is a Medicine cat, am I correct? She puts herbs in her mouth all day. Instead of going into too much detail, I'll just say that the chemicals mixed making some sort of, glue. Good luck getting unstuck!

Runs away.

Graypaw- Did anyone else besides me think she was hot?

0000000000000000

(It's okay to start reading now)

Okay skipping all the boring shit, blah blah blah Firestar meets Spottedleaf, gets a blow***, meets some elders, has his first prey, all that shit.

Bluestar- I call for a clan meeting.

Cats gather.

Bluestar- We are gathered here today to honor out former deputy, Redpelt. He will always hold a special memory in out heart-

Lionheart- (Still has Spottedleaf, um, "attached", to him) wasn't his name Redtail?

Bluestar- Ya, whatever, no one gives a damn.

Bluestar- And now I shall name the new deputy.

Tigerclaw- OH BOY! OH BOY OH BOY!!!!! I HOPE ITS ME!!!!!! POWER!!!!!

Bluestar- The new deputy is Lionheart. Please come up.

Tigerclaw- WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO…………REVENGE!!!!!!!!!

Lionheart- Well, Bluestar, I gladly accept, but uh-

Bluestar- Just get your ass up here.

Lionheart- Just one little problem *looks down at Spottedleaf *

Bluestar- Bring her up too.

Well, its would be pretty hard, 'cuz he would have to literally DRAG Spottedleaf up the rock….

Lionheart- Man, what a pain in the ass.

~A while later~ (After a lot of dragging he finally makes it to the top, yes poor Spottedleaf stuck "underneath him")

Lionheart- I accecpt!

Bluestar- Holy shit now I have to say a bunch of other crap why can't I just appoint you deputy without all the drama? You know what, just get down.

Damn.

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(Okay this is not included in the book but since you never got to see Redtail's body, I decided to put in this missing "scene")

It's late at night and Bluestar is standing alone on the highrock. All her warriors are sleeping and all is peaceful. She feels like praying to Starclan so she does.

Bluestar- Dear Starclan, I never even got to wish the best deputy ever a goodbye. He died bravely in battle- you know what, long story short, I just want to see him one last time.

All of a sudden, a blast of wind shooted through the camp, almost like a fart, only with out the stink.

And there appeared of what remained of Redtail. He was headless, and he was covered in blood.

Bluestar- Wow I wasn't even serious.

Redtail- This is a farewell, Bluestar.

Bluestar- Uh, bye? I, uh, wish you well?

Redtail- Burn in hell.

And with that he disappeared.

Bluestar- Hmm, I wonder what Oakheart's doing right now.

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So how was it? I need 30 reviews before I continue.

Here's wat you can do if you want me to continue:

Review.

Tell your friends

Pretty easy, right?

Until next time,

~Angel~

Has


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5-

Graypaw- Firepaw, wake up! Its time to go to training!

They both walked out of the den, and found Dustpaw and Sandpaw quarreling.

Sandpaw- Dustpaw, why in Starclan would you go to Taco Cabana when I told you not to? Damn boy you passed so much gas last night I could hardly breathe!

Dustpaw- Well you can stop breathing anytime you want. Anyway, its not like you're my wife, so just back off. Tacos will be tacos…..

Nothing more was said.

All four apprentices joined Lionheart and Tigerclaw in the clearing. No sign of Ravenpaw. That poor soul.

Lionheart- Ravenpaw will not be joining us today. He said we can all burn in hell for all he cares.

Tigerclaw- (thinks to himself) If that cat slips out one word about me killing Oakheart then I shall rip off his pelt and have sex with it!

All cats stare at him.

Tigerclaw- Did I just say that out loud?

They nod.

Awkward.

Tigerclaw- Anyway, today we will be exploring the territory. Hopefully there will be no terrorists.

So ya they reach Riverclan and Tigerclaw pushes Firepaw over a waterfall, only to slip on one of the rocks and come tumbling after him. They get out and shake off the water.

Tigerclaw- Oh ya Firepaw, you are so wet.

Firepaw stares at him.

Awkward.

Tigerclaw- (mutters) Today is just not my day.

They move on to the gathering place and Graypaw takes a piss on one of the trees.

Lionheart- That tree belongs to Shadowclan.

Suddenly Shadowclan warriors line up by the hundreds and give Graypaw the "death glare". Graypaw licks himself.

Dustpaw- How do you feed all of those warriors?

(random warrior)- Like this. * Starts eating himself.*

Sandpaw- How pleasant.

Now they move on to the Thunderpath. Tigerclaw makes Firepaw stand in the middle of the road (Firepaw has no idea what he is in for!)

Firepaw- Are you sure this is safe? The ground is rumbling.

Tigerclaw- It is probably hungry. Anyway do you want to be known as a pussy warrior? Of course it is not safe!

Lionheart turns around (he was taking a piss) and sees Firepaw standing innocently in the middle of the road.

Lionheart- Firepaw!!!!

He starts to do that slow motion movement towards Firepaw cuz a monster was heading straight for him. He reached the road and started to head towards Firepaw. Meanwhile the monster roars on.

Lionheart- NO!!!!

He closes his eyes and tries to knock him out of the way. Nothing is there. He opens his eyes and sees that Firepaw is gone.

Firepaw- Dude, I'm already safe on the other side. Dumbass now it is heading straight for you. You shall die now.

Lionheart gets ran over. Sobness.

~Later~

Bluestar is in her den mailing a Get-Well-Soon card to Redtail up in Starclan. She hoped that would fix the awkwardness between them. Then of course Firepaw bursts into her den.

Firepaw- Bluestar!!! ( I kinda got this next idea from family guy)

Bluestar- What is it?

Firepaw- And that's my plan!

Bluestar- What plan? You just popped in here and said "And that's my plan".

Firepaw- Oh ya, my bad. Lets start this again. *runs out of den and back again.*

Firepaw- I have an idea!

Bluestar- What is it?

Firepaw- Giggity. *runs away*

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Firepaw feels like pissing off Tigerclaw, so this is what he does:

Firepaw- Hey Tigerclaw take a look at my new license plate for my car: (it says):

I fckd ur gf

Tigerclaw- 0_0 REVENGE!!!

And that is why Tigerclaw hates Firepaw.

Fin.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

~Two moons later~

Today was the day Firepaw would begin his solo hunting task (oh great). Even though all he had to do was bring the clan back as much prey as he could, this is a parody, therefore hilarity must be enforced. So anyway Firepaw is already out in the woods, chasing a mouse through the bracken.

Firepaw- Now I must pause and reflect. *pauses and reflects* Oh ya this is where I first met Graypaw! And *Sobness* the talking tree. Talking tree? Are you still there?

Silence. Only the sound of the wind.

Graypaw was near. He was hiding in a pile of Death berries (Dumbass) stalking Firepaw, waiting for a good moment to attack. But then he heard him talking about a "talking tree". A plan formed in his mind.

Graypaw- It is I, the talking tree. What do you want today, my good sir.

Firepaw- Oh my Goth! Its actually you! I found you! You don't hate me! Where are you?

Graypaw- Uh, that shall remain unknown.

Firepaw- Oh look! A Death berry! They told me not to eat them but I am a rebel. *eats death berry*

Graypaw- T'was a shame.

~Back at camp~

Runningwind- Okay everybody!!! The new bar is done being built!

Wait, a bar????!!!!

Its Warriors, for gods sake. Warriors don't drink alcohol. Do they?

The cats rush over to where Runningwind was. He was behind the counter cleaning glasses.

Spottedleaf- Frozen Margarita please!

Runningwind- Oh, I'm sorry. Read the sign. *points to sign*

~Cats who are prohibited from drinking~

Medicine cats

Apprentices

Elders

LEADERS

Kits

Queens

Warriors

Pretty much everybody else

Longtail- Aww, come' on! This isn't fair!

Bluestar- Sorry guys.

Whitestorm- Then whose allowed to drink?

Bluestar- That man right over there * points to KOOL-AID MAN!!!!*

Kool aid man- Oh ya.

The cats moan and walk away.

Willowpelt walked up to him.

Willowpelt- So, how are we supposed to do this?

Kool aid man- *looks worried* Do what?

Willowpelt- You know……..*starts moving paw "down there" *

Kool aid man- OH NO!

He runs out of the camp.

Willowpelt- DAMMIT! So close

~Longtail and Runningwind~

Longtail- Why is my book sitting on top of your hat?

Runningwind- Its my new hat-weight

Longtail-There's no wind in here!

He takes his book from the hat and starts to read.

The hat blows away in the wind.

Runningwind- You sir, owe me one new hat.

~Bluestar's den~

A card flies into her den. It was from Redtail!!! It said:

Dear Bluestar,

Pardon me for taking so long to reply. But burn in hell.

Sincerely,

Redtail

p.s. Remember your kit that died? Well she (he) says HI!

Bluestar- T'was a shame.

~back to Firepaw and "the talking tree"~

Firepaw- Hey, I'm not dead yet! OMG!!!! BACON

Graypaw- I fckd ur gf

FIN


End file.
